So you’re interested in pegging but don’t know how to bring it up to your girlfriend or wife. We’re here to help! We know this conversation can seem scary but it doesn’t have to be. We’ve put together some tips for guiding you through the conversation of bringing up pegging to your partner.
Open and honest communication is the foundation of any healthy sexual relationship and that’s where you should start. Before just jumping in and telling your wife or girlfriend you would like them to peg you, you need to think about your communication when it comes to sex. Do you talk about fantasies and desires regularly? Do you talk about what you would like to do before sex and do you debrief after? It’s important to think about this because bringing up a new idea is easier if talking about sex is a part of your normal conversation than if you don’t.
When it comes to pegging and exploring any new sexual experience, it's essential to approach the conversation with sensitivity, respect, and understanding. If you're interested in discussing pegging with your partner, here are some tips to help you navigate this conversation.
Self-reflection and Research
Before approaching your partner about pegging, take some time for self-reflection. Understand your own desires, motivations, and boundaries. Watch a few pegging videos and make note of what you like and don’t like about them. Here are some questions to think about.
Why do you want to be pegged?
What about pegging excites/interests you?
Is it about experiencing a new type of pleasure?
Is it to fulfill a curious fantasy?
Is it to connect deeper with your partner?
Is it because you enjoy Femdomme?
Is it because you are potentially curious about what a penis would feel like?
How would you like to be pegged?
In a dominant way? Hard vs soft femdomme
Are you interested in degradation or humiliation?
In an intimate way? Being praised and served by your partner
How often would you like pegging to be integrated into regular sex?
Are you comfortable initiating this type of play with your partner?
Your partner will probably have questions. Taking time to reflect will help you communicate your desires clearly and answer any questions they may have.
Self Play
Before going to your partner about pegging, we highly recommend exploring anal play on your own first. New sexual experiences can be a bit awkward and it can be very beneficial to work out some of the kinks on your own first. This doesn’t necessarily mean go out and buy a dildo and start using it. We recommend just trying a finger or two when you are playing with yourself to make sure this is something you will actually like. Pegging is still quite a step up but if you like fingers there’s a good chance you’ll like pegging as well. Plugs and training sets can be a really good place to start. Here are our favorite pegging toys.
It is also important to learn about the benefits of prepping for anal play to help mitigate any messes for your partner. Here is a blog on how to prepare for anal play. Knowing what you like, how you like it, and what can happen during backdoor play is really important for you to gain confidence in guiding your partner in this play.
It is important to know what it feels like to not use enough lube, to go too quickly, or to pull out too quickly as those are all things that can potentially happen with your partner but you now have a way to work through those. It is also important to know how you like to be pegged as you are guiding the experience in the beginning, remember your partner cannot feel anything in a silicone toy so be patient as they learn.
Choose the Right Time and Place
It's important to choose an appropriate time and setting when bringing up new sexual desires such as pegging. We always recommend bringing up the conversation around pegging outside the bedroom. Right before sex is rarely a good time to bring up something new unless it has been at least been negotiated a little prior. After sex can be a good time if you are debriefing and it fits into the conversation. An example of this can be if your partner did something indicating anal interest such as touching your anus. Carnal calibration is a great free resource that is a sex test that brings up all of these questions and will gauge interest from your partner, this is a good way to not feel embarrassed about the questions and can be used as an ice breaker for further exploration.
Another important thing to take into account is the current state of your relationship. You want to make sure both parties are in a loving state of mind so it’s best to avoid times where there is relational stress or even just stressful days when your partner may not have the capacity to think about pegging. We find that after dinner, over drinks or getting ready for bed tend to be good times for these types of conversations. Wherever and whenever you decide to bring up pegging, just make sure you find a quiet, relaxed moment when you both feel comfortable and safe to talk
Be Honest and Vulnerable
When discussing pegging, honesty is key. Express your desires and feelings openly. This is where your self reflection will come in handy. Being honest and open about your desire to be pegged takes courage and vulnerability. It can be scary but vulnerability can lead to greater intimacy and understanding, even if your partner's initial response is surprise or confusion. It is important to feel safe in your curiosities and I truly hope you’re with a partner that values your fantasies.
Focus on Emotional Connection
While pegging is a physical act, emphasize the emotional connection it can bring to your relationship. Explain how it can deepen your intimacy, trust, and bond as a couple. Safety and vulnerability is important and expressing that you feel safe enough with your partner to try something this vulnerable can help to emphasize that emotional connection.
Active Listening
Remember that this conversation is a two-way street. After sharing your desires, allow your partner to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Listen intently and don’t rush to respond or address concerns. Value your partners' input and show them by listing actively.
Clarify and Address Questions
Your partner may have questions or concerns about pegging. Listen to these concerns with the intent of understanding and address them with patience and empathy. A common question that comes up during this conversation is “Does this mean you want to have sex with another man?” Unfortunately, the majority of society still views any sort of anal pleasure for a man as a homosexual act. This is something you will have thought about during your self reflection. If you do not plan to use pegging as a way to also fulfill the desire to be with a man then it is important to reassure your partner that this is an act that you want to experience with her. Toys and anal pleasure do not define your sexuality, you get to! Any act performed with a female partner is by definition heterosexual.
If you do plan on using pegging to fulfill a homosexual fantasy then that is something both of you will have to dive in together on and discuss how you would like to navigate that given your current relationship dynamic.
Be Patient and Understanding
After sharing your desires, allow your partner to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment. Be prepared for a range of reactions from your partner as they process the information and think through things. The idea of pegging is still viewed as taboo in modern society and initial reactions can be strong. It’s important not to get overly defensive but listen and try to understand where they are coming from.
Allow your partner time to process and don’t expect an answer right away. Pressuring your partner into any sexual act is never a good idea. Allow them time to sit on the conversation you’ve had and explore the idea on their own. Let them know that you are there for any additional questions they may have and offer to provide resources if they would like.
Discuss Boundaries and Explore Together
If your partner expresses interest or curiosity, take the time to explore pegging together. Start with open communication and education. Watch pegging videos together, read materials and continue to talk about it before jumping into the act. Talk about what boundaries you each have for pegging. Things that you won’t do when engaging in the act of pegging. An example of this could be not being rough or using degrading dirty talk.
Seek Professional Guidance
If you or your partner have concerns or reservations that you can't resolve on your own, consider seeking guidance from a sex coach. They can provide a safe and neutral space to discuss your desires and work through any relationship challenges along with being able to support you through any of these new explorations.
Talking to your partner about pegging can be a transformative and empowering experience for your relationship. By approaching the conversation with honesty, empathy, and a focus on emotional connection, you can create a safe and open space for exploring new facets of intimacy together. Remember that every relationship is unique, and the key is to prioritize clear communication, safety, consent, and mutual respect in your journey of exploration.