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  • Writer's pictureSkye

Aftercare Podcast - Our power dynamic and sexuality

In this episode we briefly talk about what we've been up to in the past two weeks, give an overview of our power dynamic and how it's evolved over the two years of us being together.

We dive into what the titles daddy and mommy means to us. Talk about one of our favorite resources called the BDSM role test that is great for exploring power play in your own dynamic.

And then to conclude, we talk about one of the most common questions we get, how to talk to your partner about sex, a give tips for starting that dialog.

Full Episode Transcript

Skye: Hi Kinky friends, I'm Skye. 

Sunny: And I'm Sunny. That's Nuggles, and that's Maya, and this is the Aftercare Podcast. 

Skye: Where we normalize conversations around kink, love, and all things in between. And welcome to Episode 2. I just want to say thank you to anybody who tuned into Episode 1, and is joining us for the fun of Episode 2 that we have in store.

We're going to briefly talk about what we've been up to in the last week, our power dynamic and how it's evolved over the two years of us being together. What daddy and mommy means to us, which is a really cool conversation, a resource called the BDSM role test that we want to share with you for exploring power play in your own dynamic and then our own sexuality journey through our two years together.

And then to conclude, we want to talk about just how to talk to your partner about sex because that is an incredibly common, common question that we get from you guys. And it's the. basis of all of the kink and everything that you see here is the communication that we have. So without further ado, I will have Sunny introduce us to what we've been up to.

Sunny: Yeah. So it's been about 10 days since our last podcast. And right when we recorded that, we were about to go to Joshua Tree for an interview. a friend's birthday. So we did that. We were in Joshua Tree for four or five days and it was for Ben's birthday from Piper and Ben and Tabby and No Name also joined us and we really just kind of like hung out like it was a bunch of creators but we Actually didn't collab or anything like that.

We did, we did a little bit of work, but mostly it was just to celebrate Ben and his birth, the birth of Ben, the birth of Ben. And it was just so, so nice. Like we had a. Hung out with Piper and Ben back in March. We spent a few days with them, really getting to know them. We went to a concert, just really deepen that friendship.

And then Tabby and No Name were rolling through the state like a couple of weeks ago, actually. So we had dinner with them. We had Known about them for so long. 

Skye: Oh, we had a crush on them for so long If you don't know Tabby and No Name, they have a love that's very similar to ours a dynamic. That's very it's so gross but it's so disgustingly yummy and delicious and their dynamic is very similar to ours and Their genre of pegging is also like identical to ours in the intimate fun sensual Doming so it was kind of like looking in a mirror of these two beautiful yogis 

Sunny: Yes. Yeah. So they came out as well and it was just a really nice way to get to know everybody and have fun. And yeah, we, I mean, we didn't collab in the sense a lot of people, you know, saw pictures and stuff and they were like, Oh my gosh, like this is a dream. Where's the, where's the video? And we didn't, we didn't do that just yet.

You know, we, we really wanted. to take the time to just cuddle and, and play and have, have fun. And that's exactly what we did. And it was just, it was just a really, really good week and we had a lot of fun. Just a bunch of 

Skye: silly gooses being goosy sillies. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah. But we did. Take pictures and, and, and stuff like that.

Skye: some reels, which is really cool. Like it is fun to be able to, to truly make friends and plan out like long term content, which is, you're going to see a lot of them because we're kind of obsessed with these people. And, and I don't know, it's, it's really cool to have a community and a support system, even if that means, especially if that means we're not collaborating and making like a sex tape with them the first time.

We, we have learned over our year of collaborating with people that we We do truly, truly want good friendships and we want long lasting friendships and we are demisexuals so we need that connection and we need that safety. So yeah, if we take pictures of somebody it does not mean that I touch their butt.

Sunny: No, it definitely doesn't. So yeah, we, we got pictures. Back from that last Friday and then we just kind of settled in at home. It's still been a little springy and cold and windy and weird in Colorado. It's freezing 

Skye: here compared to the desert. Yeah. 

Sunny: So yeah. And now we are here at episode two. 

Skye: So, excited.

Sunny: Yeah. So you want to talk about our power dynamic, how it started and how, you know, it's kind of evolved? 

Skye: I do. I do. And this is a super, super complex thing for us because this was something that we learned from the ground up together. Sunny and I, we did not really know what power dynamics were. We did not know what BDSM stood for, let alone that the D was dominant and one of the S's is submission.

And we And we really started to naturally explore that, which I think is a really, really wonderful thing. I was dead set on never calling anybody daddy as somebody who truly has daddy issues and never had a positive male figure in my life. I was a dominant woman. I, I didn't need. A man in the sense to, to control me is kind of what I thought that was.

And the experience I did have with somebody who identified as a hard dom was a very controlling and abusive and honestly, very scary relationship for me and one that I didn't ever want to have again. And so I, I did not think that I was ever going to be a submissive woman. In my past relationships, we were very vanilla, but I also was not safe enough to be submissive or let somebody control it.

But I don't ever even remember having conversations around power. I truly don't know if there's a lot of people that understand that that is a thing and it's an incredibly beautiful thing. And it's a sacred thing that you have to build with your partner. Like, just because you feel like you're a dominant guy doesn't mean that a woman is just going to be submissive, like, 

Sunny: No, no. And I think, you know, like we, we started from the ground up, but we very quickly just like fell into, you know, you fell into a submissive role and then I fell into a dominant role. And I think really why that was is because for like the first time ever, we both felt safe. Like, you know, I, I knew that that's something I kind of shied away from in my past relationships of being, you know, too, I had the same associations that it was, you know, somewhat abusive, controlling.

And that's something like that was actually used against me in past relationships was that, you know, you're too controlling. And then that's the last thing I would ever want to do is feel like I'm controlling intimacy in that space. 

Skye: And I think the big thing that we talked about, cause we had this conversation about this fear around you feeling like you were controlling in any way is that, In my opinion, to be controlling admits that somebody has more power than another person, right?

If you're controlling me, then I'm saying that I don't have power in this situation when truly you and I acknowledge that we're both equals, we hold equal power, that we're a true partnership. 

So our dynamic is mostly in the bedroom. We do play outside of the bedroom a little bit with daddy and little girl and such, but outside of the bedroom, like we have.

Full power in this relationship. And we understand, I think the power that goes into also giving my dominant power up to be more of a submissive person and sunny, really holding that power with a gift and with true care, taking care of me in that space. And you had to work for it. Like you, you've listened to my body.

You know what I like. Sometimes, you know what I like better than what I do. You care for me better than I care for me sometimes. But it wasn't something that like we just woke up one day and we started to do. We really had to learn. And there were some times where I don't know, you wanted me to drink water and I'll like hiss at you.

And but I also know that it comes from a true and a really good intention. But I think that there is something really, really incredible about a subspace with you that I. I cherish very much and I think that I have fallen into a subspace with you, a very deep subspace with you, now a handful of times, and you do a very good job with that.

Sunny: Thank you.

Skye: Like caring for me and leading for me and topping, but also checking in and your aftercare is so incredible that I know that when I'm entering like an impact scene with you or I'm entering like a really rough almost CNC scene with you that I am cared for and that no matter what, like. You, you love me and you respect me, and if for any reason I, I pull consent away, you stop.

Both: Mm hmm. Yeah, there's 

Skye: never shame. There's never guilt. There's never pressure. And so I think that that has allowed me to really step into that submissive power because I know I'm safe. 

Sunny: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, you are incredibly safe. And I think one of the things, it was really interesting because we did both fall into these roles naturally because of that safety we felt.

But we also started learning so much about BDSM and power dynamics. Like I think one of the biggest, biggest misconceptions is that the, the sub is powerless and really like. If you have a good dynamic, the sub is actually kind of in control. Like, you know, you, you are equal, but like the, the sub is still dictating kind of what happens that a good Dom makes sure of that.

Skye: You do not have a Dom without a sub. 

Sunny: No. And a lot 

Skye: of people don't realize that is that the sub at any point pulls that power. You're done. 

Sunny: Mm hmm. 

Skye: And like, vice versa. Everybody in a role in a dynamic has power to pull consent for any reason but yeah, there is this conception that once a sub is in a scene, that they're stuck in that scene and that is absolutely not okay. Like, that is abuse. 

Sunny: No, no. It is like, and like, I think part of Why I was able to step into it is that like my my love language is acts of service like I Identified, you know after some time that I am a pleasure Dom like my my role that I give myself in that space is to make my sub feel as good as possible.

Give them what they need and as much of it as they would like and maybe and maybe push that a little bit, but ultimately, like, I think that is, that is something I didn't really realize about that either is, you know, there is the conception that there is like hard strict, you know,

I'm just going to, you are at my will, you know, and. And that's absolutely not the case. And that was really cool to start to understand as we, we educated ourselves, you know, we, we are obviously practicing this, but we are also learning, you know, along the way through other resources, not only our experiences, but just learning. Reading like, you know, we have so many books on this.

Skye: Yeah, we have really good mentors on this. And I think something that's really powerful about like what Sunny said is you get to make what your own dom. Like you get to to make that out of the archetypes that you love and and are really true to you. And there's a lot of old school kinksters that are like, no, this is what it is.

And that might not fit for you and your dynamics. So you and your partner get to choose the the dynamic that you're in and what that looks like. So I want to ask like do you Because I've seen you also dom other women, which is an incredible thing and I think it's really cute because there are some people that think you're like this cute little puppy dog, which you are, but you can pull this like super, super pleasure dom daddy just out of you out of nowhere and make somebody melt.

Like, are there like, I don't know, archetypes or characters or feelings that you pull or Have inspiration when you are into that or is there a way that you can step into that kind of thing? 

Sunny: Yeah, I Have thought about this and I think I do think the biggest one is just like the caregiver like ultimately like that is That is just what comes through is like It is me and you and I'm here to care for you in whatever way that is i'm gonna correct you if you know, you start to get bratty like you do.

Skye: It's a 

Sunny: daddy Yeah, that's still caregiver role. It's still a daddy. But yeah, I would I would say that like that is my most prominent Thing that comes out especially with new people too, you know, I can I can move into you know Some harder stuff once I get more comfortable once I learn but yeah, I would say my main archetype.

Is this just like daddy caregiver like i'm here for you whatever you want and that's like again, that's why I touched on like the sub actually has the power because ultimately like I'm doing exactly what you want. I'm doing it in a certain way. I know 

Skye: what you want. I'm doing the things you like. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Skye: I'm gonna make you remember your manners. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like doing that too. I wouldn't say disciplinarian is a bad thing. big archetype, but like, if you start pushing that'll just like shoot to the top, like that comes out. You're really good at getting that out of me. 

Skye: I know sometimes I'll say thank you and you'll still smack me and I'm like, I don't know what 

Sunny: to do.

Yeah, I can, I can, I can, yeah, I, I definitely can mix in I don't know if it's like jokester or something like that, but you know that. It is 

Skye: a mental fuck. I don't know what it is. Yeah. 

Sunny: And like. Keeping me 

Skye: on my toes. 

Sunny: Mind games a little bit. Yeah. Exactly. Cause I, I don't want to be. Predictable, you know, like I, I kind of want to like play around with it and, you know, obviously like I can give two roads, like, do you want this or this?

Skye: You have a record on this, right? 

Sunny: I did. Yeah, we are recording. We definitely didn't start this earlier and forget to record it. But yeah, yeah. So there are like minor archetypes, but I would say the major is definitely caregiver. 

Skye: Yeah. No, I think that's a big thing. Like you are somebody like he does our grocery shopping because I have grocery store anxiety.

He makes us dinner and like he's the chef of the house. He always makes sure that we have food. Food is his top priority. He makes sure that I have water, that dogs have water. He's got water. Like he truly is a caregiver. And acts of service are a big thing for him. Like, it's something that he truly wants to do.

I used to feel bad, and now I know, like, it is something that fills up his cup to be able to take care of people. Yeah. And I can't, 

Sunny: I can't have a good sub that's not resourced. Like, No, 

Skye: we've passed that one time. Yeah. Unresourced 

Sunny: subs, they're just, Not good for anybody. So that is again, like I'm, yeah, I'm taking care of you, doing it for you, doing it for me and everyone wins.

But yeah, like resourcing is, it falls just right into that. Like it all, all of this really starts to weave together as we've, you know established our early pyrodynamic. We, it has changed a little bit, but that is like, we, we got very strong in the space that we. fell into naturally together and we learned a ton about that and it was really cool to like just take that as far as we liked to, you know, and of course, we're not ever putting a ceiling on anything but I do feel like we're in a really good space with our dumb sub relationship and And, you know, how to still, you know, have fun with it and, and, and keep things exciting and mix things in.

But we, you know, we have moved to a place with our dynamic where like implied consent can live now. 

Skye: Yeah. We have learned each other enough. And I think you are a good enough like brat tamer now that you've had your head on my foot at times to shut me up with a gag in my mouth. Like, and it's great. Like it's all consensual and it's things that we've both wanted.

But. I do think it's really cool how our dynamic has shifted a lot and I think what's a really cool thing is like just because you might identify as vanilla now does not mean that you need to be vanilla forever if you want to change. If you're a dom now that does not mean that you can't ever fall into a switch role.

If you're submissive now that doesn't mean you can't discover and really embody like your dominant side. Like, You can always evolve. Everything is constantly evolving. So why can't your kinks and your dynamic evolve? 

Sunny: Yeah, I think it's been super cool to watch you like find your power I know that that's something that you've done a lot of work on and a lot of personal just like exploration in yourself is like, you know stepping into how Fucking powerful and awesome of a woman you are I'm 

Skye: not gonna cry.

No, I, I do really appreciate that. I would say like with our dynamic. As probably all of you know, that's watching this. Like I started as a service top with Sunny when it came to pegging, like pegging is something that we have explored since the beginning of our relationship, but without a power dynamic, like it felt confusing at times.

Pegging, is it? I don't know. I think it's implied that it's a dominant role because it's a top position, but that's not how it always has to be. Sorry. And I would, I would basically bottom from the top if that makes sense. And he would top from the bottom where he would tell me what he wanted me to do.

And I would do that even if that meant that I was in a top position. I did not cross into Any Dom boundaries with you because that was something that from the beginning you did not want and we had talked about those things like when it came to choking or rough play or anything like that, that was something that was not on the table for you.

And I think it's because, like, I don't want to speak for you, but you had never explored that before with anybody. It's a very vulnerable space to be a bottom. 

Sunny: Yeah. And I mean, I think also why, you know, through our own exploration. It was a little confusing because all of the examples you have out in the world of pegging are, like, femdom. Like, they are. Really 

Skye: rough femdom. Yeah. Like, we would be on Reddit or Pornhub and these women, which, there is a place for this. Like, absolutely. But in, like, latex and leather and just going so hard. So hard on these guys and yeah. Degrading them and humiliating them and making them feel small. And that's absolutely a kink, but it was not a kink that you wanted.

And so with that being like our only example, of course you didn't want that. That's not like, it's not who you are. 

Sunny: Yeah. Like I, I, I like these sensations. I like the intimacy. That can come from an act like pegging, but not like that. So we had to figure it out. And we, you know, we definitely like kind of developed our own brand around how we approach, intimate, sensual, caring, loving, like service top style pegging.

And it, and it has resonated so well. And it's been so cool to see other people just like, I honestly didn't think I was into that, but the way you, the way you do it. Yeah. It's also the way Tabby, no name, do it. 

Skye: I think it was a really cool way to start. And the reason for that is I think it's a safe way to learn how to peg with your partner.

Both: Yes. 

Skye: Because I'm not just jumping into this dominating role and trying to lead this scene. You're telling me what feels good. You're telling me how to do it. You're guiding the scene, even though I'm on top. And so it really taught me how to work your body. It taught me how to work these tools because these were such new toys for me to use.

And it It It was probably for like eight or nine months, almost a year into our relationship before we ever even talked. Dipped our toes into actual femdom, but I had already pegged you so many times at this point that I know how you like to Be pegged. So that was like the bread and butter of of the femdom for us and then with me learning like I took like a professional dominatrix class with Domina Colette Privet, so she's incredible and she's been an incredible mentor and it's it's been really cool to be surrounded by such Powerful incredible women and has also showed me We we saw this Humiliation and degradation, but there's so many other different types of femdom as well Just like there are with men and so I was really able to pull in the archetypes that were true to me So I would say like mommy is my biggest one and mommy is something that I like I want to be around our friends.

Like I, I don't, I don't have kids, but I have kids. Like I always have Capri suns or oranges or candy and toys. Like I'm always cuddling if anybody needs it. I'm here for hugs. Like I am a mommy figure because I don't ever want anybody to feel left out or unincluded or not have a good time or feel unsupported.

And so mommy was something that was really big for me. And. I think the other ones that are really powerful is a goddess. I really do try to pull in goddess and goddess is something that I pull in when I feel very self conscious because the goddess does not feel self conscious. So I just asked myself, like, how would she feel?

How would she act? And that has helped me to create content. That's helped me to get in front of the camera at times. Like, and it's really helped me to move and just. The sacred prostitute is a really big one of like, I want you to feel so turned on. I want you to feel desire. I want your curiosities to be heard.

I want to push all your fantasies. I want to explore your fantasies. Like it never make you feel shame or anything. So those are really big things that I pull into my archetypes. And I don't know what it is when you, we do psychedelics, but Sunny falls into a little bit of a subby space. 

Sunny: Yeah, it happens every time now.

Skye: And the first time this happened to us was like last year and it happened and we didn't really talk about it because we didn't really know what had happened. But it was an incredible and very intimate moment. And then the second time this happened, we talked about it. Yeah. And there were moments that like, I don't know what it was.

It's this, like, I get behind him. He's a good little spoon and just like whispering and holding him. And he turns into a mushy little boy who just wants to be taken care of. 

Sunny: Yeah. Well, and, and like. Those two experiences, like as we progressed with pegging, like you were I don't know, you were, you were starting to really have like a little routine around getting ready, like, and you would put on certain things that almost like would, would give you more confidence and, you know, just help you embody who you wanted to be when you pegged me, even if it was still in a service top way that we were doing.

And, That started, I do think that started like unknowingly, like opening me up more to more to seeing you in a certain way. It was like a conditioning. A little bit, yeah. Like, okay, she's ready. Yeah, yeah, so that. 

Skye: Clothes are really important to me in that sense. Because like, you don't, you don't step into a leather harness and like a mesh bodysuit and feel submissive.

Like you step into it and you feel like you are a mommy and everybody is going to behave around you or they're going to be punished in a way that they might not enjoy. And music is really big for us. Like anytime we have any type of pegging scene, like there's music on and it is very curated music that feels like powerful music in a sense.

So yeah, there are some things that really help me to embody that, and I think it's really cool that you've seen that. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'd say that's probably been like, there was that one time a year ago that we didn't really acknowledge, but I'd say in the last six months, we've really started to yeah, I would say I at least identify as Switch E.

Skye: I would say you're switchy. Switchy. I would say you're, you're a switch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Sunny: I mean, we still have like our, I would say our normal sex is still very much like dom sub or, you know, somewhere in the middle. 

Skye: That is led by you. But now I've noticed that we've kind of gone back and forth, like if I'm on top or something like that.

There'll be times where I call you a good boy, like in the middle of it. And then there's times that I will call you daddy at the same, in the same exact playtime, which I think is a really cool thing. And it's a really hard thing for a lot of people to do, to be able to switch back and forth and to be able to juggle those balls and it not take away or feel confusing.

Cause there have been times that it's been very confusing. The second time when you fell into this game. Super subby, cute little boy. Like you were telling me to like do all of these things to you that in the past you had told me you'd never wanted to be like choking. You were like, I choke me as I like harder.

And I was like, okay. Like, and so you were giving me consent, but it was something that I had to really tip toe towards because I know that these had been boundaries for you in the past. And so I wanted to make sure that you never felt. Degraded or humiliated, unless that was something that you wanted. No, 

Sunny: not my flavor.

Skye: No, like, you like to be praised. Like, I can slap your face now and spit in your mouth and tell you that you're the perfect little good boy. 

Sunny: And I love it. 

Skye: Yeah. It's all about context. 

Sunny: Well, and I think that one of the big things too about being submissive is, and I never, I never like identified with like feeling like society put an immense amount of pressure on me to like be a man for like a Lack of a better way to put it but like I do think that was that was part of it too is just like, you know I had already done a lot of mental work to You know, enjoy pegging like, you know, it was something I was curious of, but you battle with it a little bit internally and then you know, that is a really big one.

But even to step deeper into that and do it like drop into a submissive pegging place, or just a submissive place in general, it's just like, you know, you, am I less of a man? Like am I, you know. 

Skye: Well, and you're constantly being called like beta just for wearing matching like this whole beta alpha thing Like I could get on a soapbox for hours But there's something so incredibly and I'm gonna say this it takes a very very secure Human man or woman but it takes a very secure man to be able to be in a vulnerable space To be able to give power to somebody and it takes a very secure secure and confident woman to be able to step into power.

Because society is not nice to either of those power roles. It looks down upon women in power and it definitely looks down upon men who are submissive at times. But I know so thousands now at this point, thousands of men who want to either explore their switchy side, who want to be submissive, want to find a dominating partner, because like, There's nothing better than after a long day of being dominating all day at work or in the car or wherever in your family to be able to just let somebody take the lead, to let somebody care for you, to not have to worry, to not have to think you're just like, I'm a good boy.

I'm going to do what mommy says. I'm going to be taken care of. She's feeling good. I'm feeling good. Like there's, there's nothing better than that at times to be able to just let somebody 

Sunny: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's even, I think for myself to having that like acts of service or a love language, like, you know, taking care of somebody, being that pleasure dom to like throw all of that aside.

It's just like, I am, Not doing any of those things. Like, is this going to change our core relationship? Like, that's definitely something I've, you know, thought about is like, okay, if we have this one experience, is that going to shake things foundationally? And it has it and if it if it if it does a little bit I don't think that's something to be scared of either 

Skye: No, I think like you lean into change But I can't tell you like how much my pussy drips when I get to like make you feel good Because I get to step into that pleasure dom role And I It's it's hard like it is incredibly hard to lead a scene to be on the entire time I don't realize how much you have to talk when you have to talk when there is like a Submissive whether that is a man or a woman at this point like under you you are guiding and if you are guiding

Quiet for too long, they're going to get out of that subspace. They're going to start thinking that they need to step in. Like, and so you have to guide and reassure and like give tasks even like telling your partner to do things. There was a time that Mistress Hex and I were dominating you and I was pegging you and she was holding you and I made you look up at her and tell her 10 things you loved about her, like as you're being pegged, like, and as a sub you have to do it or he would get punished.

Sunny: Yeah, it was wonderful. Yeah. Yeah, no, but it is, it, it's, it's an active thing and I think, you know, as much as I have realized what a sub is being like, you've had the same experience with what it being a dom is like. Like. Having that switch you see the other side like you're not just one sided you can actually experience You know what you do to other people and I think that's that's amazing Like I want to experience what I do to people and same same for you And it's I think that's just really cool as I do feel like Stepping into this and exploring it like I I can I can Understand what it's like to be a sub and that makes me a better Dom with you with with new people Like it gives 

Skye: you this empathy. It gives you this relatability and it makes your aftercare so much better Like anybody who says that they're a switch I know that they're a good lover because they can empathize with both sides and and and They know what it's like to be maybe in a bad subspace too and know what dom drop feels like.

Like these really important things but as a dom, it's also incredibly important to like remember that when they're done, you're not done yet. Like it's still, you have to now care for them and care for the scene and, and aftercare is incredibly important for both of you. Because Dom drop's real, too.

You just put in a ton of work. You maybe did a lot of impact. You might feel like a horrible person. Like, are you okay? 

Sunny: Yeah. Was that okay? I mean, I can't tell you. That's something I've, I've done not almost every time, but I'd say more than 50 percent of the time where once we're done, even though I've checked in, in the middle of it and I'm just like, Hey, like, I, I kind of feel like a monster, you know, like that was, yeah, are we cool? Like, and that's why it's incredibly 

Skye: important to build that communication. Like, I don't ever want you walking away thinking that you hurt me and I don't ever want to feel like I can't tell you if maybe it was too hard of an impact 

Sunny: scene 

Skye: and that's how we grow together. You don't get better at impact if you don't talk about it, kind of thing.

Sunny: No, no. So yeah, our power dynamic and the evolution of it has been absolutely wonderful. It's so much fun. Yeah, and I'm super excited to keep going in both ways, yeah, on the submissive side and on the dominant side, because I just, you know, there's so much out there we don't know, we don't know, and we don't know until we try it.

We're excited 

Skye: to learn it all. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So do you want to move on to Daddy and Mommy? 

Skye: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 

Sunny: Yeah. Yeah. You wanna? 

Skye: Yeah. I can talk about daddy. 

Sunny: Okay. 

Skye: So like I said earlier, daddy was something that I did not ever want to say. It was not something that I wanted a dynamic with. It was kind of a word that grossed me out, to be honest with you.

Sunny: Yeah. I can see Mickey. 

Skye: Yeah. And, and I can see why. Like I can absolutely understand, especially if you are a father that has kids, like you don't want the sexualization of the word daddy. 

Sunny: Yeah. 

Skye: But. But when it slipped out of my mouth the third time that we had sex, it just came out. It did something so incredibly powerful for both of us, but we leaned into it and we listened to it.

And what I had found is like what daddy means to me and what sunny being my daddy means to me is that I'm cared for. I'm respected. I'm taken care of. Meaning that like he's going to bring me water if I'm not drinking water. He's going to make me food if I haven't eaten. Like sometimes I'm not the best at resourcing myself because I get super busy and he wants to step in and take care of that as his, as the caregiver. And I see you. Like I'm, I'm, 

Sunny: I see you all the time. It's not just like, you know, you're going to get cranky if you don't eat. It's like, I'm paying attention. 

Skye: Yeah, I'm gonna get cranky, and then I'm gonna get really tired, and then I'm gonna feel really guilty, and it's like this whole thing that happens.

And, like, you don't make me feel bad. You accept me as my daddy. You accept me for whatever version I am that day. Whether it is the sexy goddess, or the, like, trash shark that just wants to cry and watch movies. Yeah, and have 

Sunny: Nutella sandwiches and Gushers for lunch. 

Skye: But I am truly a little girl and I do really appreciate having somebody that lets me lean into that little girl at times.

Like I am a silly goose. I, I love my stuffed animals and you'll even get them for me. I, I did not have the most secure childhood. And so it is. It is really nice having somebody who does support me and loves me and sees me for who I am and does not try to change that. I can't tell you how nice it is to not have to be turned on in the sense of like being on all the time of like pretending to be happy or pretending to be something that I'm not.

I can just be a piece of garbage if I'm a piece of garbage today and you'll swamp around with me and you'll watch a movie with me. I love you. I love 

Sunny: you too, baby. Yeah, and it's, what I really like about the daddy thing is it's not something, I do, I do recognize that it is, I think it is a more common request from guys to just like call me daddy.

Like, who's your daddy? You have to earn that shit. That's a phrase for a reason. Yeah, if you're, if 

Skye: you're asking me to call you daddy. You're not daddy. I'm sorry. Like daddies don't have to ask that. 

Sunny: Yeah, like I wanna, I wanna wanna call you daddy. And like, all 

Skye: of my girlfriends that I've slept with you call you daddy. Like, my friends call him, he's daddy. 

Sunny: Yeah. 

Skye: He's daddy, I'm mommy. Yeah, 

Sunny: and I think it's cool, like I, I, I guess I never felt like a certain way about, That until someone did it to me, like I was just like hooking up with a girl and she called me daddy. And it was just like, love that. Like and it makes sense. Pleasure Dom, acts of service, like daddy, 

Skye: daddy, 

Sunny: that's the, that's the word you use. That's the word you use for that. Thank you. Yeah. Please do it more. But it was never something I like sought out. I was like, I, I like this, but I'm not going to push this. Like, this isn't something again, it's earned, you know, I, I started to understand that.

And then when you, when you said it. Wasn't something I had thought about for a while. So I actually like looked it up I like wanted to understand why women did like it and that's when you know I think I even sent you like a reddit thread where someone was like This is what it is to me and this is why it's okay for me And this is why it feels good and and that really really helped Because yeah, it can't just come with weird connotations And I think it's been really cool to like to earn that because I do love it like that It's almost like a It's almost like good boy.

Skye: It is. It is good boy. It is just a different good boy. 

Sunny: Yeah, it is. It is. And like I wouldn't 

Skye: even say that, like, daddy's not even a sexual term for us. Like, there are times that I'll use it during sex to address you. It's like sir for us. Yeah. And there are times that I've called you sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those are different, like, master roles. But but daddy is not like this, like, hyper sexualized thing. It is just, this is my daddy. Daddy. My daddy cares for me, my daddy loves me, and I'm grateful for my daddy. 

Sunny: Yeah, thank 

Skye: you. But yeah, it's not a hypersexual, it doesn't have to be a hypersexualized thing. No.

And you don't even need to be sleeping with somebody to call them daddy. 

Sunny: No, no, no, no. Thank you, daddy. You say it all the time, but yeah, I mean, I can, I can talk about mommy, like, so, I mean, mommy was never something I was like, nope, nope, not even understandable. Yeah, never, never even, never even popped into my head like slip out.

But you, I think it was after the second time we had one of my like, I'm a subby good little boy. And you said this to me, do you remember what you said about a mommy? 

Skye: I, I don't, but what I do remember about this playtime was you looked at me and you said, can I call you mommy? 

Sunny: I asked. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I 

Skye: also didn't know. I don't want to, if mommy is a humiliating thing, I didn't want to say it, but you said, you looked at me, you looked at me and you're like, can I call you mommy? 

Sunny: Yeah. 

Skye: But what did I say? 

Sunny: Well, afterwards we were talking about it and you, this is just like, When the switch flipped for that was, you know, You can't be a daddy without having a mommy.

Like, yeah, daddy needs a mommy. And I was like, of course a daddy needs a mommy. Yep, cool, we're good now. Straight ahead, full steam. Yeah, and it was wonderful. I know you pulled that out of thin air and it was so good. 

Skye: We're good at that. Sometimes our words are just perfect. 

Sunny: Yeah, and that was like, and it just like, I don't know.

Like, I want to be cared for too. 

Skye: And I want to care for you. Like, a mommy knows what's best for you. A mommy is always going to reward you and obviously punish you if you're not being good. But like, a mommy wants to push you and celebrate you and, and hold you. 

Sunny: Yeah. 

Skye: Things that, I know like celebration was a big thing for you.

Sunny: Oh my gosh, I cannot celebrate. No, like I don't think a 

Skye: lot of guys can celebrate. A lot of us can't celebrate. 

Sunny: Such a hard time, like there was just like, okay, did that, what's the next thing? Oh, didn't do that, good. Nothing good happened. Like, grazing by it, so it's really, really wonderful to have somebody that, yeah, it's just like, no, mommy sees you and mommy's so proud of you.

So proud of you. Yeah, so that that was something yeah never thought about the again in And I think it happens a lot with people where you're like i'm not into that but like with the right person And at the right time Mommy makes sense and context 

Skye: is really important. 

Sunny: Yeah, and it and it that It, it in that moment, mommy seemed right and ever since then, mommy is seemed right.

Mommy's right. Yeah. Mommy's always right. . Yeah. But yeah, it's, it's been really cool to again, just be able to be vulnerable and say, yes, I want to be taken care of. I want a mommy. 

Skye: Yeah. I want, I'm safe. Yeah, I'm safe. I'm safe forever and ever. Safety, 

Sunny: safety is the secret. Everybody. I don't know if you're picking up on this safety. But yeah, I don't know if I have anything else on that one. Love you. Love you too, baby. 

Skye: Okay. 

Sunny: Do you want to talk about your BDSM? Are you talking about the BDSM and? 

Skye: No, just the BDSM test. So if you go to sunnyandSkye. com we have given two free of our favorite resources that are linked on our site under advice.

You'll see kink tests, and the first one is a BDSM role test. When I have a lot of people that come to OnlyFans to chat, they will ask me, I am interested in exploring my dominant side, I'm interested in exploring my submissive side, or I don't even know what this means, how would I explore this? This is the first thing that I have them do.

And this is one of the first things that we did when we got together to try and figure out where we also fell into this. So what this does is it asks you a bunch of questions some things that you'd be interested in. it in, and then you get a percentage of what you, what your role might be. I, and I can even attach ours to this or put it on there.

But like my number one, I think was like brat and then number two was submissive and then Dom was a little bit further down cause we hadn't explored that at this time. High 

Sunny: on exercise. Exhibitionist too. I'm 

Skye: super high. Like that makes sense. Right? Like being watched. And then when he took it, like our things were like exactly opposite, like he's a brat tamer.

He's a dominant. It was really, really cool to see. Voyeur. Voyeur. But this is a really fun thing also to explore, like if you are compatible in a power dynamic with somebody, like if somebody is really big on age play and you're not big into age play, that could be a really hard thing for you to explore.

This can also be a really cool thing to explore concepts and ideas that maybe you don't know. Like there might be some words on here that you've never seen before, like a bunny, like a rope bunny or a rigger, if you've never heard of Shibari terms. So this can be a really cool way to like also do your own continuing education and see what you would maybe be into.

But this is a, a a resource I really, really do recommend for anybody who's exploring power play. And if you're going to come to OnlyFans and you're going to tell me you're a dom, I'm going to ask you what type of dom you are. 

Sunny: Like, 

Skye: I do want to hear your experience with this. I want to hear where you've pulled your inspiration from and how you care for your subs because there are a lot of misconceptions around doms just being these powerful, controlling people.

And I'm going to put a kibosh to that. Like doms are very intimate, loving, caregiving people. people and they can, they can be a little bit more assertive, but that does not mean they're mean. 

Sunny: No, no, no, absolutely not. 

Skye: You're not mean to your subs. You don't get to do that. Not here. 

Sunny: No. And one thing I'll say about this is it's not a one and done.

Like, I think it's a really good thing to use to get a baseline, but like. We have it. We should actually take it again because I guarantee you mine would be different. 

Skye: Way different. Yeah. Every six months you should take it. 

Sunny: Yeah. Yeah, and just check in with yourself, you know, as you continue to explore and evolve because you know, it's not set in stone.

Skye: And this is a really cool icebreaker for your partner. If you don't know how to bring up PowerPlate to your partner, take this test together. Yo, I see that you are a switch and I've wanted to explore my submissive side. Let's do it. Let's do that. 

Sunny: Yeah, let's start doing it. So yeah, it's a, it's a wonderful resource.

Yeah. We, we recommend it to so many people and it's free and it's free and it's fun. 

Skye: Yeah, it's cute. Put it on your like field profile or your Tinder profile. Yeah, yeah, 

Sunny: exactly. 

Skye: Cool. All right. So next big topic. Thanks for hanging in here guys. 

Sunny: Big, 

Skye: big. 

Sunny: We also don't have a timer, so I have no idea how long this has been going.

Skye: I noticed that too, but thanks guys. Is our own sexuality journey. Do you want me to kick it off? You want to kick it off? 

Both: I'll kick it off. 

Skye: Okay. Cause you, you, you got more to talk about. Just a little bit. It's not a surprise. So I grew up in Wyoming, very conservative, small town where you're straight.

And if you have any ideas of not being straight, they send you to church. And so I, or it's 

Sunny: a phase. 

Skye: As you'll grow out of girls. 

Sunny: Yeah. 

Skye: And then you'll just watch lesbian porn. Anyways, I was always somebody that like, I obviously liked boys. But girls were so pretty, girls were so soft. They were so sweet.

Most girls, some girls were really mean, but most girls were sweet. Their skin was soft. Like, and I always wanted to be the girl that was dared at parties to kiss a girl, cause I'll do it. You don't have to dare me twice. So I always knew that I was, I was into women, but I didn't know how to explore that.

I didn't have any. any resources. I didn't have anyone to talk to about that. And so I didn't do anything about it until I was about 25. And I had actually done a yoga teacher training and the yoga teacher and I liked each other and she was a super cutie like yoga. Yogi's are hot. Hi Tabby, no name. Yogi's are hot though. And that is when I had my first experience with a woman and I, I did realize it wasn't the, the safest experience for me to explore in, but I did find that I did truly enjoy being around women. And I leaned into that a little bit. I still, I think I went on like a date with a woman at one point, and I didn't know how to date her, like I don't know how to flirt with women, I've been friends with girls my whole life, but I don't know how to seal the deal past like kissing and so I didn't really know how to explain it.

And then with Sunny, I think within like, he knew I had a crush on one of my co workers and within like the first three months we had like a threesome and stuff and, and that was really wonderful. But after that I had a really hard time finding women that I connected with and I actually was kind of confused.

Like I had moments of like, am I truly into women? Or is this just like a situational thing? And I found that I absolutely love women. But I love women that I can feel safe with and it's like, that is a safety. That's a really do not like your hoochie on camera. But that's a really big thing for me is like women that I can truly be off on.

Like I, I don't have to pretend to be something I can be vulnerable with. I, I don't know. And I've, I've learned that I, I've stepped into more of a dominating role with women because sleeping with women can be incredibly confusing. Well, 

Sunny: they're traditionally both. I'm just used to being submissive. So yeah, you're like 

Skye: rolling around, not sure what to do and when is it over?

And you're like, there was one time that like, I was on top of Sunny, there was another girl on top of Sunny and we're like choking each other out. And it's the most confusing thing to watch. And I was like, why are we doing this? And so from that moment, I really, and when I learned to step into my dominating power, I did take the role as the more dominating woman in the relationships with women because I, I don't want them to be confused.

Mommy wants to lead the scene. Mommy wants to take care of you. And so it's really big for me that when I am with a woman but I learned her body, like I talked to her, we take things really, really slow. I ask her, like, if I have a vibrator, I will hand it to her and tell her to show me what feels good because I don't want to be with women and have experiences faked. Yeah. Which 

Sunny: is also good to do with your heterosexual partner relationship as well. Yes. Not just. Yes. Ask your 

Skye: partner what they truly like. Everybody's, everybody's pussies are different. Yeah. And I took it. as a really big, like, responsibility to give women loving sensations without this goal orientation around orgasm, because there's so much pressure for women and men, but women to come, that we fake it so much.

And I'm sorry, but I know when you're faking an orgasm, because I know what a real orgasm looks like. I have them. And I don't want you to ever have to feel like you can't be honest. And if you're not going to come, that's also okay. Like I just want you to be loved and held in that space and maybe explore something new and also have space to learn.

Like I've given a strap on to many women now who've never put one on and I'm so excited to teach them and just be a safe space to be curious and fun together. So I would say that I am bisexual, but I'm very much a demisexual. Like it is important for me to have safety and connection with anybody. I'm not, not into one night stands anymore, except for the one guy that we had a one night stand with.

Sunny: Yeah. We'll tell that that's a whole episode. But yeah, I, I, I do think that sums you up really, really well. And I think one thing that probably, I guess it's relationship dynamic, but also like We don't like date other people per se. We 

Skye: don't, there are two women I would date right now, but we, we don't.

And I definitely do not see myself dating another man. But women, like I absolutely love flirting with women and chatting and connecting, but dating itself is an incredibly hard thing to do with the involvement that we have in our own relationship right now. 

Sunny: Yeah. So like by bisexual, demisexual play.

Like ethical play. Yeah, ethical play. 

Skye: Yeah. With, with friends, always. 

Sunny: Mm hmm. Okay, my turn. Your turn. Yeah, so, I mean, this, this kind of rolls right into the whole, you know, Be a man all of that like growing up like yeah, you're interested in girls, you know, I had posters of girls in bikinis in my bedroom when I was in like middle school in high school like Yeah, and I very was very much was attracted to women but there was Always kind of this little, like, what, what are, what are guys like, you know, like, and that was just something I pushed down, like, no way.

Like, and especially getting into relationships where I was interested in anal play and pegging is just, you know, being thought that you're a gay, like just completely off the table, but yeah, always interested. Like I, I never, Have like watched gay porn or anything like that predominantly but like when when I enjoy intimacy I enjoy all of it.

Like I am not just like all boobs and butt and pussy or whatever But like I yeah, like I like seeing a big strong like good looking man Yeah, yeah, and i've always felt that way That's one thing we do that. I love when we're you know, like in public and we'll be like Look at that guy. 

Skye: Him's a cutie

Sunny: yeah, yeah, so yeah, it's something that I really had to allow myself to Understand and explore and it's something that we have been able to explore together Which has been even even better like we you know, we dated a man early on in our relationship Hi, Sam.

Hi Sam. I love you . And, and, and, and that was part of why we, you know, we realized that we, we necessarily were, we're both bisexual, but, you know, couldn't necessarily date the opposite sex. Yeah. We were not polyamorous. Yeah. And but yeah, I, I, I remember even having a, a really deep conversation. I'm just like, I don't know what this is.

I'm very open to exploring it and, and creating a space to do that. And, and it's just been really cool to be able to do that. Like, I, I. I don't know. There's just something about like a man, like, and, and I've been on both sides of it too, like dominant and submissive. I think that's something I'm still figuring out.

Like if I do want to always fall into a certain role, but now that I'm like, kind of switchy, I'm like, why? Like, you don't have 

Skye: to, like, that is the thing. Like if you want to, sure. But you don't have to, to pick one side or another. 

Sunny: No, no. I 

Skye: would both be the greedy little slut. 

Sunny: Yeah. Yeah. We can talk about that part of me later.

In the bedroom when we're done. But, but yeah, I, I, you know, my journey has been very recent when it comes to my exploration with males and bisexuality. Like I would consider myself bisexual and demisexual as well. Like I, you know, never was able to just hook up with women. I've had like maybe three one night stands in my entire life in the same, Is true for the opposite sex like I want to get to know some I think I mean actually even more picky with men 

Skye: Yeah, I think me too 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, so like I you know and you 

Skye: have like sunny has not played with a guy solo No, yeah, like it has only ever been in group play like with me there Yeah.

And obviously that's something that I encourage and I want him to explore if he wants. 

Sunny: And I think I'm in the same boat. Like two men that are used to being dominant and also like having just not played with men a lot. I'd be like, I don't know what I'm going to do. How long do I do this for? Like, you know?

I mean, 

Skye: it's easier to know when a guy's done. 

Sunny: Yes, it is easier to know. Yes, it is a lot easier. But yeah, it's kind of the same boat. Like I am still very much figuring out what this is because of. You know, I have more history of not allowing myself to think about this or understand it or be okay with it.

And, and so it is very new, but yeah, I would consider myself, like, bisexual, demisexual. Like, I need that relationship. I need to know people, you know. I need to see more than just your body. I need to see Who you are. 

Skye: Do you think that I, I think in a society, like we hypersexualize women so much that We have made it a little bit more.

Okay. There's still a lot of shame around it But a little bit more okay for women to be bisexual And men like this is just such a gray area. Like there's not a lot of awareness for this there's so much shame around this we get So much shame and I want to just acknowledge the strength that you have with this How many people are constantly coming at us?

Because it's not an easy thing to be able to put up a bubble and protect it. But do you feel that being a bisexual man, like, is that hard with friends that are not bisexual? 

Sunny: Yeah, I think it is hard to navigate I think it's much more hard to navigate. I will say that. Like I've, I've seen you just kiss friends that you would never sleep with, like girlfriends.

You're just like, and it's okay, totally cool. And even if you were like, Hey, I'm really interested to be like, no, you know, and it'd just be fine. Like it would be totally okay. I, like, I do think there is You know, like a little bit of an imbalance when it comes to just what's okay.

Yeah. I'm, you know, if I want, if I had a friend that I like wanted to kiss or something, I would probably never bring it up because that would just be like done.

Well, and 

Skye: also just out of fear of your own physical safety sometimes as well. Oh 

Sunny: gosh. Yeah. Yeah. Even that is something I haven't experienced in person, but yeah, it's terrifying. To think that someone would actually act physically like in such a a violent way, potentially. Yeah, 

Skye: out of fear or threatening or whatever it is.

Yeah. And there's also so many, and I, I get this with girlfriends, like actual just platonic friends, of me being bisexual does not mean I want to do anything with you. That does not mean that I want to sleep with you. That does not mean that I'm attracted to you. No. It means that we're friends and I'm a bisexual, But those two things don't go together.

Yeah. It does not need to affect our friendship at all. 

Sunny: No, no. And I think, I guess like, Friends that I have that are content creators, that are adult content creators, Absolutely, I think that's, that's important. Way more. Okay, like they're just more well versed secure in their sexuality. It's 

Skye: a boundary. They can just say like, hey, it's okay I'm heterosexual like no playing during this playtime and it's great. Like there's no confusion with that. 

Sunny: Yeah, 

Skye: but with guys There's just like this Will you get pegged and now you're like guys does that mean you're gonna try to do something with me if we go and get a beer. 

Sunny: Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, so I would say yeah, it's it's definitely Different. 

Skye: Yeah 

Sunny: for for me. Yeah Yeah. 

Skye: I think it's really brave that you talked about this on the internet. Thanks 

Sunny: baby. 

Skye: I love you. 

Sunny: Yeah. I love you too.

Skye: I know. Anything else you'd like to add? 

Sunny: I don't think so. I'm sure I'm going to think of so many things when I re watch this, but not right now. 

Skye: Yeah, I do just want to say like we have an incredible support group with you guys, like being able to explore our power dynamics, being able to explore our sexuality in such a safe way, like we know the internet's not safe.

We're not blind to the comments that we get but the support and love that we do get from our friends online, it's amazing. Has really helped us to just also feel safe in exploring this together. Like, I just want to say thank you for your kindness and thank you for your own vulnerability and your own curiosity.

Like, I can't tell you how many people come to us and just thank us for sharing because it gives them a little bit of confidence to maybe explore some things with their partner or to lean into their own curiosities without as much shame. 

Sunny: Yeah. Thank you so much. Like it's. Something that has gotten a little easier, but it would not, you know, we would not share what we share without your support and just your cheerleading. So thank you so much. 

Skye: Yeah, so we're cheering you, you're cheering us. It's a big cheer orgy. 

Sunny: Yeah, that's a VHS tape from the 80s probably. 

Skye: Alright, last topic. How to talk to your partner about sex. This is an incredibly,  incredibly common question that we get. And one thing that we always ask is like, what is your dialogue currently around sex conversations?

Sunny: yeah. Where are you at? Like, you know, I think a lot of people come in You know, so interested in a specific thing like pegging or threesomes or whatever. And we oftentimes have to roll it back a little and just say, Hey, like, tell me about your current sexual relationship and your communication around sex, because bringing up new topics.

requires to already have had a dialogue going. 

Skye: Yeah. You can't bring up a threesome if you've never talked to your partner about sex in general with them, let alone now with a third person and, and expect them to feel secure enough in that conversation and not run away thinking you just want to leave them.

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So, yeah, I mean, one of the, That's, that's what we usually ask is like, do you talk to your partner about sex? Okay. And if, if you, if you don't like here is a good way to do it because it's something that's hard to start. Like it, it can be abrupt. It can, you know, I think some people can be like, well, why do we need to talk about our sex is something wrong. I thought we liked our sex, like we have our sex There's a lot of 

Skye: insecurity around this, and that's not to say that it's insecurity in your relationship, it's insecurity in society around such a topic like this, because we've never with anybody talked about sex. And now we're just expected to have healthy conversations around sex with our partner when we've never been taught how to have a healthy conversation in general.

Sunny: Yeah. 

Skye: And so I think really easy ways to start with this is when you guys are done being intimate, Aftercare is a big thing, like laying in bed together and asking like, or even just like Validating like, oh my gosh, I felt so good when you did this, or how did you like it when I did this? Starting the dialogue in a safe space.

Maybe not critiquing or doing anything like that in those moments until you guys are really secure with that 

Sunny: and not bringing up new things. Before or after sex. Those are not the times to do that. It's more just to get that dialogue and to like start to work that muscle of being okay talking about specific things.

And then, you know, taking, taking that and, you know, Maybe. You're seeing each other after work and you're just like, Hey, I've been like thinking about that thing we did the other night. And it like made me think about this, you know, or something like that. And starting to work some of that talk outside the bedroom.

But I think aftercare is a perfect place to start. It is natural. You've, you're already in that. that space. You're already both vulnerable. You're kind of blissed out a little. So, you know, you're in a good mood. Talk 

Skye: about what felt good. Just bring it up slowly. If it's a really scary thing. Another thing that you guys can easily do together based on the comfortability with your partner is talk about like what kind of porn you guys would want to watch together.

I know that there are some. There's a lot of people out there that think porn is a really bad thing, and I do think that it can be at times with overproduced porn, but there is a lot of ethical amateur stuff out there that you guys can explore together, and a really fun thing you can do is just go to like your favorite site and just start at A. And just start going down categories and be like, 

Sunny: Together. Do this together. Do this together. It's 

Skye: a good thing to do on your own if you're trying to figure out what you like, but together this can be a really fun way to be like, Okay, what do I like anal? Okay, what about BDSM bondage? Well, 

Sunny: and just like, I think an important thing too is, You know, you're going to click on the category.

It's going to be a crapshoot. Like look through a lot of it. Not just like there's a dungeon don't like anal, don't like move on. And 

Skye: feel free to laugh at it. Like make it a lighthearted thing. Put it on your big screen hack, like have a good time with it. But this is a fun way to open up the dialogue around it is make it.

Humorous, make it a vulnerable, silly thing. 

Sunny: Yeah. I think, I think one really important thing though, when, when watching porn together is to make sure that whatever you like or whatever you identify with, that you are very clear about identifying with the, the act or what is happening and not the people that are doing it.

Cause watching porn can, can really bring up some in, in insecurities around like, well, Of course you want to do that with that person. They're beautiful. They're not me. I don't have that I don't look like that so I would be very Very intentional about like talking about the acts 

Skye: like I want to do this to you because it looks like it feels good for us Yes, not 

Sunny: with the person.

Skye: Yeah, really focusing it on everything. That's a good point At 

Sunny: least in the beginning then you can fantasize about you know other things Yeah, but in the beginning that is that that is a very a very important thing and it can it can just it can Turn very quickly into like, of course you want to do this because it's that person and I'm not that person.

So creating a safe 

Skye: space and like also like when you are bringing up things like watching porn together, making sure your partner knows, like if at any point you're uncomfortable, we'll stop this. Like there's no pressure. There's no guilt. This is just supposed to be a fun way to explore. Yeah. 

Sunny: I wouldn't do it for hours and hours. Like, don't go A to Z, you know, just 

Skye: like one day. Yeah. Yeah. 

Sunny: Yeah. And I think like, Some of the most important things, and they are just more like foundational communication things, is like, know your audience, know who you're talking to, and what's going on with them. You know, when you're trying to talk to them, like stress on a resourcing, like kids, like, like, don't, you know, again, if, if, if someone's having a bad day, like this is not the time to start to try to start a dialogue like that, or to jump into a dialogue.


Skye: Yeah. That takes a whole lot of other foundational building at that point to ensure that both of you are feeling resourced and supported. And then you can dive into these intimate conversations. Nobody owes anybody anything just because of the type of relationship you're in. Everybody is working through some things.

And it's really important to check in with your partner and see how they're doing. And, and know how they're doing. Like, I have a lot of people that come in and say, Well, my partner, she doesn't want to have sex with me. We haven't had sex in a month. And I'll ask him, How's your partner doing? And he's like, I don't know.

Sunny: And 

Skye: so just get, get in tune with your partner, talk to them, like build a foundation around communication in general, and then start building a foundation around intimacy. And if that still feels scary there's a resource on our page under advice. Again, it's called carnal calibration, and this is a free sex test that you can do with your partner.

This can be a fun way to start the conversation as well. It can be a fun way to learn about each other. It can be a fun way. To see if maybe your partner's into something that you're scared to bring up. It goes from everything from aftercare to cuddling to knife play and everything in between kind of things.

So you get to really learn the ins and outs and can be a fun way to explore new things together as well. And it might be a way that you learn things about your partner as well that you might not know. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I, I, that one, that one is a really good one, and it, and it can just, it, the best thing is it doesn't show you things that you, you know, one person is interested in that the other one isn't.

Skye: It will if you want it to. It 

Sunny: will, okay. You both have to agree to it, though. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah. Yeah, but I, I, I do think, like, with these conversations you know, once you move past, once you're comfortable talking, Talking about sex, like once you get in there and, and have that aftercare conversations and you're comfortable, you know, bringing things up, like make sure, you know, it's always.

Approached with just again that safety like whatever you say to this is gonna be okay like the fear of no Should not be on your mind like 

Skye: ego does not come into the bedroom 

Sunny: No and into these conversations and and allow space for I don't know You know, like, like, it can be hard for someone to answer a question about sex that you, they, they don't know about, you know, they, they need to think about it.

They need to understand it and they need to be able to have the space to come back to it. So I think like when you're approaching this, like it is important to just have all of that in mind, you know, that this might not, you might not get a yes or a no right away, you know, and it might be something that, that.

It takes a while, you know, it could take months, you know, and revisit like people are allowed to change their minds 

Skye: and in both directions is that you cannot. Have the mindset of how do I convince my partner to do something? 

Sunny: Yeah, that's a that's a blog post 

Skye: Yeah, we have a lot of blog posts including how to talk to your partner about sex on under blogs. But a big one that we get is some people will come to our page and they're like How do I convince my wife to do anal play? You don't convince anybody to do anything sexist kink and sex is so much about enthusiastic consent That if it is not a yes or no. It's a no and there's no implication, like you don't, there's no implied consent, there's no assuming and there's no convincing.

If somebody is not full in, that means that they're not in and you cannot keep pushing. You can show interest, you can explain why you're interested, you can give space, but you cannot guilt and convince your partner to do something and potentially cause traumas and triggers and make them feel bad for having a boundary.

Sunny: Yeah. No, I, I, I fully agree. Yeah, you, you, you cannot approach it from that way. Like, there is no convincing your partner to, to do anything inside the bedroom or outside the bedroom. 

Skye: And, and you might be able to, like, if your partner's not into anal play, like, Let's say your partner is not into pegging, but you want to be pegged.

You can say like, can I use toys on myself later? I'm going to explore this on myself kind of thing and not put that on her, but still be able to explore that on your own. And I know that that might not fill your, your pegging cup all the way up, but it's respecting your partner's boundaries and it's showing your partner that this is a safe space for them to say no.

And to potentially evolve those things in the future, but that they feel safe to say no. 

Sunny: Yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, I think when it, like, when it comes to how to talk to your partner about sex, it's Patience. It's slow, it's compassion, it's understanding, and then yeah, it's meeting them where they're at.

Whether it comes to curiosities or exploration or even just being able to talk about sex at all. I think that's that's really what it is all about is just patience. 

Skye: We all all feel differently about sex and it's a very scary conversation. 

Sunny: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you might find that you, you know, you do have to do some, some pre work.

A lot of people have trauma around sex and, and they can't even talk about sex with you until, you know, they're able to really work through some of that trauma on their own and have a healthier relationship with sex, regardless of with it, who 

Skye: it's with. High five! Pshh! Hehehehe 

Sunny: Alright! So cool. We did it. I think, 

Skye: are you still here? 

Sunny: Yeah, that's, I think that's enough. 

Skye: All right. Well, thank you guys for hanging out with us. Be sure to follow us here and on all of our socials as always. We connect only through OnlyFans. So if you have any questions or you just want to connect and hang out, that's where you'll find us every single day.

And I just want to say thank you for your curiosity, for your kinks and for being here with us. 

Sunny: Yeah, thank you so much for hanging out and listening to us. We we can't thank you enough This is super fun. And and we're just so excited to keep going with it and and have you along for the ride 

Skye: Yeah, love you guys.

Thank you. 

Sunny: See you later. 

Skye: Bye

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